Sunday, April 02, 2006

Story coming soon

Hi all,

I'm still writing. Just wanted to give you all a head's up to look through the archives for Soldato stories. This next post is going to be about the shift Soldato got canned. I promise it will be entertaining.

Additionally, I think it will spark a nice little discussion. I've noticed a lot of "waiter haters" posting in the comments section. While I disagree with most of their statements and believe that they represent all that is unholy and wrong with the world, I do enjoy the debates that ensue after they post.

Oh, and just for the record... a commenter recently noted that anyone with all their limbs and half a brain (or something to that effect) could wait tables. I take offense to that. I have an Ivy League education and I work a "normal" job at a major corporation throughout the week. Neither college nor my "normal" job was/is as challenging as learning how to make a living as a waiter.

I firmly believe that these "waiter haters" have never waited on a table. I also believe that they have yet to take that silver spoon from their mouth. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to find that they have yet to do a single day of honest, hard work.

Ignorance is bliss.

140 comments:

e-Fei said...

no one with only half their brains can function to do anything at all, much less remembering orders, which goes to who, carrying trays of hot food, dodging small children and smiling when you feel like slapping the person.

To all waiters (and waitresses) out there, thanks a million!

Karen said...

I don't hate waiters as a group. It's the people who act like they're doing me a favor by taking my order that irritate me. You know, the ones that stand there, dripping with attitude, looking down the nose at me, hand on hip, foot tapping, because I have the audacity to ask what type of seasoning is on the seasoned prime rib. But as a rule, the people in this profession rock, and I'm one of those people that will tip the standard 15% for crappy service, and %50 for the good.

And yes, I waited tables in my youth.

First Year said...

I couldn't agree more. I've waited tables for years and only recently switched to an accounting job while I go to law school at night. The only downside to waiting (other then the jerks) was the night time schedule, something I can't do with school.

Like you, I have worked and currently work a professional job. I go to a first tier school and graduated from one last yea. Waiting is NOT for morons. Some people simply don't "get it".

Working at the busy bar/restuarant that was my last waiting job was hectic. I would have about 12 tables of heavy drinkers at once, and not everyone can quickly figure out in their head the order of things to do to make service quick and efficient for everyone. Plus the people skills that many don't have.

I'm not saying the physical portion of the job is hard (although, running around the equivelent of a few miles a day and carrrying 8 30oz beers and heavy food is great exercise!). I am just saying, that in the same way I can;t be a telemarketer or a computer engineer, some people can't wait tables.

Sorry for the rant, but I hate to see people with sticks up ther butts over other's jobs. They need to knock others down so they feel better about themselves. Well, truly intelligent successful people dont need to do that, so its clear how well their lives are going.

Good luck :)

Eustacia Vye said...

Vixen: Those are the waiters who hate their jobs and bitch because they don't make any money. I hate those, too.

Serving IS a difficult job. It requires the ability to keep a clear head under a lot of pressure, a ton of organization skills, a sharp memory, and an ability to read people. It also requires a great deal of patience when dealing with those who think that waiting tables is the sort of job that anybody can do.

Can't wait for the new story. Soldato is/was one of my favorite characters.

Wireless Messiah said...

Customer service in general is a difficult job. When I'm in a restaraunt, I try to make my servers job as easy as possible, and always tip at least 20%.

Thanks for all the hard work

Christine said...

I am sorry to disagree, but it simply does not take critical thinking skills to wait tables. Most anyone physically able can do it. Not that they would be GOOD at it, but they can do it and make a living at it. Oh and yes, I was a server briefly but it was the most boring aggravation I have ever experienced and I would certainly never recommend it for anything other than a temp job.

mzmeg said...

christine,

if you are physically able you can do anything. that's the difference between "can" and "may". anyone physically able "can" wait tables but if they're not "GOOD AT IT" they "may" not wait tables and will probably be fired or run screaming from the restaurant. your argument is flawed and ignorant.

Lobster Boy said...

As one who has trained both managers and servers (more than 100 people) I can verify that not everyone can serve. Furthermore, I can generally tell within a couple of hours if you can serve, and how successful long term you will be. There are the occassional surprizes, but 90+% of the time I'm spot on in my early assessment.

Lobster Boy

Faith said...

I agree with mzmeg about christine's comment. I was a server several times over while I was in college, and it was not a job for just *anyone* that might want to try it. It's demanding both physically and mentally. Just dealing with the other servers was tough, but then I had to take care of customers and make their visit a pleasant one regardless of whether I was having a good/bad day, or if my feet hurt, or if I was so hungry I could die because I hadn't eaten in over 7 hours.

That's NOT easy, and as I had the opportunity to experience life as a server while I was in my teens as well as when I was in my 20's and out of college, I can honestly say that there was a HUGE difference in how I saw my job/performed from the time I was young until I'd matured a bit more. Being responsible, smart, and talented as a server is definitely required.

And as an avid restaurant-goer, I can honestly say I can spot the crappy servers from quite a distance, and prefer to stay as far away from their sections as possible.

Kris said...

Being physically able to serve means absolutely nothing. It's all in the ability of the server to not only organize and carry (as mentioned above) but be able to sense the mood of a table. Some want chat. Some want you to joke with them. Some want to be left alone. And some are just asshats.

I think the world would be a better place if one year of serving customers and making a living at it was required before one was allowed to be called "adult". The people who never have done any kind of service work can be spotted coming in the door. They are the ones that while the server is standing and they are sitting still manage to look down their "I'm better than you" noses at the server. And because we need them to leave a tip, we just smile and bear it, then kick the door to the walkin once we hit the kitchen.

lizbeth said...

Christine-

Correction: Most anyone physically able can do it. But you MUST be good in order to make a living out of it.

Pine Cone said...

Yeah, what's up with the waiter haters? Having been a server in a small town, I knew most of my customers. There were some who were my "friends" at a party, or when we traded babysitting, but when they came in the restaurant, their attitude changed and they became "waiter haters." I couldn't trust those people. As Dave Barry said in 19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn, "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." Believe it.

it was me who said...

So, kris wants to force everybody into unskilled labor for a random period of time before bestowing the label "adult" upon them. How quaint.

bwb said...

I think the world would be a better place if everyone was required to do a full year of customer service- specfically waiting tables or being a barrista!!! My friends and I all worked our way through college as barristas, bartenders and/or waiters -- we hold fast to the belief that everyone should work in food service as their primary means of support an antidote to privelage and entitlement. Sorry to rant but I hate the haters.

toes said...

don't hate the haters.

they make the dicussion fun. well, not always...like when they are ignorant and offer little..

but the comments section would be seriously lame if everyone was in a love fest all the time.
doncha think?

i wouldn't want the majority of the populace to have service jobs. they already do...and they suck at it.

what would be a better alternative/dream would be that service would be an industry that would be entered only by people who actually wanted to do it.

(if we're making make-believe anyway...)

me said...

i loved waiting tables. even the stress of it... it was good.

i just don't like people very much... so i guess that's where my confliction begins and ends.

Anonymous said...

you mentioned you're engaged - when's the big day?

stove said...

What's up with "Soldato's Last Stand"? Hope you're not dead - or getting cold feet!

Anonymous said...

Ssseeeerrrvveeeerrrr.....

MASE stories are my favorite, and I don't want to rush you, but the anticipation is *killing* me! :)

- An adoring fan!

Anonymous said...

Why do bloggers insist on always announcing a story coming soon whenever they hit a dry spell? Shit, it's not like it's an all new episode of Law & Order, it's a blog. Get over yourself. You won't be posting anything soon.

Anonymous said...

Here here! I have a Southern Ivy League education and continue to work from time to time as a server. It's fun and the money is good in some restaurants. What creeps me out is when someone overreacts completely to the situation at hand. So you didn't get your milk on time? Why not ask me for it when you order, instead of when you get your food and I have five NEW tables? That type of thing. I think people act as if they have never done any work when they walk into a restaurant, but most people thankfully are patient!

Anonymous said...

there's no such thing as a "southern ivy league education" the ivy league is an athletic conference, in the north. you're a pretentious wannabe

murbike said...

Hey, I did the Job (server/bartender/expiditer) for many years until my wife got tired of my returning home at 4:00am.

I worked at one of the restaurants on Greenwich Ave in Greenwich, Ct. Some of the regs were Dianah Ross, Matts Vilander, and a bunch of other famous people and wannabes.

I had a blast, even with the douche bags. This was not my career, and I didn't give a shit if they got pissed at me. MY manager was awesome, and if we even had a hint of an issue, he would go in and bend over for the cust. He was a huge cokehead, but a good guy.

ereleven said...

I waited for four years through undergrad, went to a good school, and now attend a good law school. (Not Ivy League like the Poster, but I'll get a job.)

In general, I don't claim to be a genius or anything, but I'm competent enough to get a degree, go to law school, keep decent grades, blah blah blah. It seems to me I probably have "half a brain", at least.

Waiting tables was hard; the commenter seems to think they are superior to the average schlump working in a restaurant. Well, I was an average schlump in a restaurant, and it turned out I was competent enough to go to law school on a full ride! I'm only one person, but I sure didn't feel like the only smart person, or even the smartest in my restaurant. So, if an average waiter can pull a full ride at a decent law school, fuck you lady!

At least I was able to work a breakfast/lunch shift, so I didn't have to kiss quite as much ass as the night servers, but this meant quantity, so instead I would constantly juggle 4-10 tables of spoiled aristocratic families with no respect for anybody, least of all me. This treatment makes the job even harder, because now, on top of balancing 15 orders, trying to apppease pissed off cooks and managers, and still stay polite, I'd have the latest condescending comment rattling in my head, and the 20 semi-legal pranks I'd love to try on them floating in there as well...

Then, the hotel management with their "employee account" tip of 10% BEFORE TAX would come in and expect special treatment. yeah fucking right. I might be waiting tables while I'm 19, but your a mid-level sales douche in your 40's. Get your own diet pepsi asshole, I'm going on break.

SUEB0B said...

Wow, there are some nasty commenters here.

I am well aware of my complete and utter inability to be a waiter.

Critical thinking skills I have...I can blather on about English literature or history for long stretches, but it's the Juggling Thinking Skills I lack. I can't keep 50-100 details in my mind at once - who ordered what, what they want on the side, what they want extra, what they want changed, whether they want ice or no ice or throw a freaking fit because there is a slice of lemon in their water. Times 20 or more people. With perfect timing.

So, respect. And unless you really screw up, 20%. It seems fair to me.

Click on Christine's name and go to her blog. It's a laugh riot.

Pilot said...

I worked in a restaurant in a hotel as a breakfast cook for a year. Our hotel dealt alot with oilmen, who are unpleaseant people at the best of times, but are even more growly first thing in the morning. So our wait staff is pretty used to assholes and dicks.

One say a waitress walked in to the kitchen bawling crying from this one asshole. Now she's got a pretty thick hide and she wouldn't tell me what he'd said, but I was halfway out the door before the prep staff was able to stop me from killing the guy.

The hardest job in the world is being a waiter/waitress and like I said to that waitress that day, there is a very special room in hell for people like that. I'll be there working them over.

Kevin said...

I love all these "any moron off the street could wait tables" posts. Ask the manager of any decent restaurant if he/she would want any moron off the street waiting tables at his/her place; I'd wager dollars to cents that 90% or more would not.

Just managing the details and optimizing the operational efficiency of the process is more than the average moron off the street can handle. Add to that the intuition and judgement necessary to, in real time, develop and execute the strategy and tactics to manage guests' personal preferences in such a way to maximize profits for both the waiter and the restaurant simultaneously. Add to that the need to be a contributor to a team where everyone faces the prisoner's dilemma. Add again the need to manage the workloads of the kitchen, bar, and pastry staff. That's before you layer on any of the physical or emotional burdens that come with this territory.

Now this doesn't mean I shower every waiter in every restaurant with a deluge of patience and cash. My years of waiting tables taught me, among many other things, what bad service is and what's fair when it happens. I've had my share of tables where I dropped the ball, and I'd always try either to get them something comped or offer them dinner on the house next time. But on the rare occasions when I couldn't make that happen, I totally understood getting a small tip or none at all. And now I have no problem calling bad service bad service, and rewarding it accordingly.

There are a lot of bad waiters. There are no waiters who have never had a table to which they gave bad service (some might not admit this, but it's true). But to say that anyone could do it is totally wrong. In my professional career I've worked with hundreds of well educated, well payed, very smart people. Most of them would not be good waiters.

Anonymous said...

The problem isn't that anybody can wait tables, but that pretty much anybody does do it. The inept far outnumber the competent.

Anonymous said...

Ok, now I am starting to worry about you...

Not a hello, hi, nothing... Everything ok?

Anonymous said...

No new stories, as promised, just like you can stop waiting for those refills.

posted 4-20-06 said...

If 18 days is your idea of "soon" then I'd hate for you to be my waiter and tell me my food would be "right out".

Instead of making promises you can't keep, you should probably just stop making promises, period.

Anonymous said...

This is pretty common on a lot of blogs, the promised future post, and it's endlessly annoying. Either write or don't writ, but please save us from your feeling that you have an obligation to feed new material into the web at regular intevals.

I only check back to see how long he draw this out.

Anonymous said...

He has done this before... I wonder how long it will take the real Waiter from Waiterant to delete his link this time...

I won't be back.

Brighton said...

I agree, being a good waiter takes a lot of people smarts and know how. While some people might hold jobs that are seen with higher regard, most of them lack in people skills- the most important skill to have. Like any profession, there are bad waiters, but until you have actually done it- keep your mouth shut on the subject.

DaveR said...

OK, ya it's been 3 weeks since the promise of a new post arrived, and there's a fair bit of bitching going on.
What I don't get are the people with their pathetic threats of "I won't be back!" Well, boo-frickin'-hoo. Is it wearing out your finger to check in every few days to see if anything has been posted? It's not like you had to drive across the city to check to see if his restaurant is handing out his latest post. Sheesh, get a grip.
Now in saying that, yes, it is a bit annoying being told something is on its way and not receiving what is promised, or at least receiving an update. I tend to do the "underpromise/overdeliver" method. People like this much better. I would rather see someone say "sorry, I won't be able to post until next month" and get something in a couple of weeks. It's a pleasant surprise.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm more annoyed that he felt a need to make the promise in the first place than I am about his failure to make good on it. Maybe he's back in the mental hospital again.

Anonymous said...

The sheer volume of 'entitlement assholes' never ceases to amaze me. OMG How DARE you not update when you said you would!! We had to *gasp* click an extra link! That is 1 second of our life we'll never get back!

Anyway, that being said, amusing weblog, I'll check back again for updates :-)

Wireless Messiah said...

sweet zombie jesus. Just chill out and wait. What if something happened to him or someone close and he's taking care of those things? Its just a blog. Seriously. I like reading it too, but there are other blogs to entertain me until he gets back.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm hooked. I found your site while I was browsing on waiterrant, and have now read all your posts.

You're a great writer, amusing and well-spoken. Thanks for the enjoyable afternoon!

Anonymous said...

Hope you're doing ok, server.

Anonymous said...

OFFICIALLY HAS FLAKED OUT.. AGAIN.

Eustacia Vye said...

What an asshole, having a life that doesn't revolve around updating his blog. We read it, dammit, he OWES us an update WHEN he promises one, NO EXCUSES!

*sarcasm*

Andrew Fiorentino said...

Hey. I just went through all of your archives after finding this place through The Waiter, and it's absolutely awesome. Keep it up, man. I've never been a waiter, but I still know how to treat people. People who don't.. that's just a shame.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to break it to the largely pro-waiter crowd, but waiting tables isn't that difficult.

It's a job for the unskilled and more like a transitional job at that. It isn't a lifelong occupation, and if it is, that isn't a good thing.

I've worked in the customer service industry for a brief while, and while it did suck with people who constantly complained over small things, it wasn't hard.

And I find it pretty sad that the OP states that waiting is more challenging then college or his job. You probably shouldn't have gone for that liberal arts degree because I'm pretty sure majoring in something a bit more challening would change your outlook. Maybe a hard science.

What I generally find annoying is how waiters and former waiters believe that their job is some sort of holy grail that gives them a new outlook on life.

It's just another crappy job. I could say the same thing about being a janitor and how you haven't done a single honest days work unless you've scrubbed a toilet clean.

Save your pretentious bs for something more important.

Eustacia Vye said...

True, it is just another crappy job. And yes, waiting tables is easy. Anyone can take an order down, put it in the computer, and bring food out.

It's doing it WELL that's difficult. Making sure everyone's drinks are constantly full. Serving each table at their own preferred pace. Remembering each customer's idiosyncracies. These are the characteristics of a good server, and they are difficult to learn.

Sure, if you approach your job as "just another crappy job", it's gonna be easy. But making a living of it requires a hell of a lot of effort and training.

Your post smacks of elitism and superiority (especially the snark regarding those studying liberal arts). People like you are the sort that we wish would wait tables for some time. Once you realized how much effort we (the good ones) out into it for such little thanks, you'd definately be knocked down a few pegs.

Anonymous said...

Im sorry if my snipe at liberal arts degrees but it is the truth. Poli Sci, English, History etc are pretty straightforward/easy majors. I know plenty of people who are actually liberal arts majors and don't disagree.

During my senior year, I was able to pad my schedule with Psych classes that were supposedly advanced but were a joke in terms of difficulty against your typical biochem class or physics class.

All Im saying is that being a waiter isn't a life long job. And if it is, that isn't a good thing. It's a transition job and is basically a low skill job. You can talk about how there are so many innate skills needed, like keeping drinks full etc, but the fact is, this isn't brain surgery.

Hell, I could say you're a spoiled worker. You get to work essentially indoors in a usually comfortable environment. You haven't really worked unless you're in 100 degree weather picking weeds off the sides of slopes as a city worker.

Anonymous said...

Waiting tables is for idiots who cannot do anything else... too sad, they are paid servants. hence the term "server" = "servant" HELLOOOOO FACE IT!

Eustacia Vye said...

I would argue that majors such as English, Poli Sci, English etc weren't necessarily more or less difficult than a hard science or advanced math class; rather, just different. I know some people for whom writing an analytical essay is the hardest thing in the world, while for me it's a snap. For some, reading a critical essay and being able to intelligently discuss its contents would be intimidating. Meanwhile, I wouldn't dare subject myself to a calculus class because I know I would be completely lost. It's simply two different ways of thinking. I'm horrible with numbers, but I'm an analytical thinker and a talented writer. Doesn't mean I'm any more or less intelligent than a mathematician. It just means we have different strengths.

For many, yes, serving is a transition job. For me, it's paying for my college tuition (private school-- yes, liberal arts). To make the money that I need to make, I need to give excellent service. This means being in constant motion, keeping a smile in the face of rudeness, and having a sort of intuition as to what the next step always is.

Do I want to do this all my life? No. Why? It's difficult. It's a good deal of physical work (carrying heavy trays, being in constant motion, wearing a heavy, long-sleeved shirt in a warm restaurant because the temperature is set to keep the customers warm rather than the employees cool) as well as emotionally draining (running your ass off and providing excellent service only to be stiffed by a businessman on a power trip).

It IS a shitty job, but sometimes the shitty jobs are difficult in their own way. It's not extremely intellectually demanding, but it does require a certain amount of skill and a great deal of attentiveness. Why do you think there are so many bitter servers/ex-servers on the internet? It's because we catch a good deal of attitude all day, yet can't allow ourselves to become burned out or short-tempered at work. No matter how rude a person is to you, no matter how many people you try to please and get insulted in return, you have to keep an upbeat attitude. You call that easy?!?!?!

I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but I don't think that I deserved to be looked down upon and told that I have it easy just because I'm not in a salaried position.

Hell, some people may argue that a construction worker-- or, to use the example you gave, a city worker-- has it easy because his job doesn't require people skills, nor is it intellectually demanding. But you and I both know that's bullshit.

People in need of personal validation are going to use any reason they can find to look down their noses at others, whether the others be their waiters/waitresses, gardeners, or housekeepers. That's what makes it difficult, is these people treating you with less respect because from their perspective, your job is "easy".

Anonymous said...

I have read all the archives and I am really dying of curiousity to hear more about Soldato getting fired - even though it seems maybe a little sad.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, so I've been a waitress since I was old enough to work. People who've never worked it don't know what its like, and I'm guessing a lot of them never will. Waiting tables is not rocket science, but if you don't have a clue, you can't do it. It takes coordination, thought, people skills, organizational skills and a willingness to put up idiots who think their shit don't stink. People working in restaurants work long, hard hours. I've known many people, even college educated people, that didn't have enough common sense and/or the skills necessary to wait tables. For someone who's never been a server to say, "oh, i could do that, it takes no skill whatsoever," thats a crock of shit. That would be like me, whose specialty is science and not business, saying to Donald Trump, "oh your job is so easy, ride around in nice cars/jets and make decisions, i bet i could run your businesses just as good as you." So people, get a clue. If you've never done it, you DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT to criticize someone who has.

Anonymous said...

Notice how all the characters featured in this blog have mental problems? The server has clinical depression, Penguin is a compulsive liar and the deaf girl is a nymphomaniac. I know crazy people have to work too, but it just seems that they gravitate to this "profession". Just sayin', that's all.

Eustacia Vye said...

Good to know everyone with salaried careers are perfect.

Anonymous said...

i think he's dead...

A speculum licker said...

He's not dead. He's waiting for the comment count to hit 100.

Anonymous said...

I think soldato had him snuffed out..

Anonymous said...

Personally, I like coming here just to see if there have been new comments. :-)

Anonymous said...

Not only do servers, bartenders, and the like get a bad rap. I've also done fast food, and it's just as hard at times. Lent Friday at Long John Silver's in a Catholic town. Honestly, I can pick a good server, bartender, or fast food kid at 20 paces. Anyone who tells me resturaunt is easy, has obviously not done it. I have an uncle who's owned his business for over 30 years, quite a feat if you ask me. He is the primary reason I even got into the business, and now, I thank him. I agree with all the fellow servers, former and like-wise. If you think my job is easy, and you think it takes half a brain or less, I have an idea. On top of trading jobs, why don't you trade pay for a good week. Tips and all. I grauntee you we servers who are worth a damn make more than most people would ever dream. Why do I do it? I have a child to support, bills to pay, and not much other option in the area I live. So, serving it is, I love it, it pays bills, and for the most part, the people are graeat! IF you think for a miinute that I'm dumb or likewise, here's a bit of info on me. I also live on a farm with almost 100 head of cattle I help do chores for every night of the week. That also takes intelligence, and the ability to work tired, hungry and otherwise. Sorry to bitch, but some people just push buttons.

i used to be a server said...

I used to be a server, and to me it was "the best of times and it was the worst of times" thing. Anyone can wait tables, but it takes that special someone to make a career out of it. And one can most certainly make a career out of being a server. If the job is right for you- then it's right for you. I'm not cut out to be a plumber, lawyer, cop, electrician, teacher, whatever, but if we didn't have people who were good at that where would civilization be?

And my goodness Server, it's been over a month since you've blessed us with your presence. I know life gets in the way sometimes, but come on now! Throw the dog a bone already!!! ;-)

frijoles mui caliente said...

Juan de Fuca? No es bueno.
Huevos rancheros? Si seƱor.

Vaya con carne... por favor!

Anonymous said...

C'mon people, we are never going to reach that elusive 100 comments in order to get a new post. So someone say something dumb. Something like, "Servers are just too lazy to get out and get a real job, and should quit whining all the time." :) Stirring them up always gets the ball rolling. So someone should do that. Lazy servers...

trying for 100 said...

Any brain dead retard could be a server.
Really, what's it take, two functioning neurons and the ability to not forget how to breath so you don't suffocate while giving the order to the kitchen?
They don't get the real minimum wage because they aren't worth it, pure and simple.

Anonymous said...

Going cheesy here... enjoy the jokes.. and cmon 100

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.


Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"

FLY JOKES

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir...

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!

daver said...

Customer:
I'll have the elephant ear on a bun.

Waiter:
We're out of buns.

Anonymous said...

customer: its too cold in here

waiter: (walks over to thermostat stares at it for a min then walks back to customer) is it ok now?

customer: its perfect now

Anonymous said...

I'll do my part to help reach 100-

A termite walks into a bar and asks," Excuse me, can you tell me where's the bar tender?"

christopher said...

"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."

Anonymous said...

Top 10 Things you Don't Want to Overhear in a Restaurant

1. "Dude, you got to clean that up. Fish don't have hair."
2. "In the event you recover and want to sue, here's a good attorney."
3. "And he STILL ate it!!"
4. "Dammit, that's the third band aid I've lost this week!"
5. "Wine, Mad Dog, who's gonna know the difference?"
6. "The chef's gonna be pissed...the animals got out of the slaughterhouse again."
7. "Those food prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam."
8. "Did anyone on the kitchen staff lose a finger?"
9. "You know, I had a hand (snicker) in making that special sauce!"
10. "Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can't just keep it your pants!"

Anonymous said...

A man in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings out the order beginning with some hot soup. The customer notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup.
Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn't mention it, and leaves the soup uneaten. When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes. Then in the coffee.

Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his hot food. The waiter says, "I have arthritis and the doctor told me to keep it in something warm." The customer says, "why don't you stick it up your ass!" And the waiter says , "I do that in the kitchen!"

Anonymous said...

hehe

I'm posting comment #69

Love,

The omnipresent anonymous

Anonymous said...

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar..... hey, it could happen.

Flo said...

The server always has some excuse as to why he quits posting for a while..It's really getting old now! I am taking his link off my page..
You just lost another loyal reader, server..Way to go!

Anonymous said...

Reliability isn't exactly a mainstay of Server's industry.

Emma said...

I miss you! Please come back to your blog!

Anonymous said...

You suck. Either keep up with posting or ditch the blog.

Anonymous said...

He left by the back door, afraid to face the unhappy tables. He won't be back.

Anonymous said...

Hey boner face. Why are you fucking around with us?

Beth said...

And I'm done here. There are far better waiter stories on the web and at this point, I'm just wasting my time waiting for your posts...

Anonymous said...

You know, Server, if you had just disappeared without promising something you had no intention of delivering you wouldn't be seeing all this hate.

God how I hate bloggers who promise a "new post soon" as if it really matters.

Peppers waiter said...

People are asses. It does take alot to wait tables. I suggest everyone do at least one service job in their life time before they die. Know what its like to be on the recieving end of a patron yelling at you, then you can post waiter hate stuff.

Anonymous said...

I have deleted you. Good bye. To the other commenters, its been fun readingyour comments, but things are getting too hateful here.

Karen said...

Why is there such spite being levelled at this blogger? Have you really got so little going on in your lives that you feel driven to such rage because he hasn't updated his blog? Go and get some help people, you're not well!

Eustacia Vye said...

It's a blog. It's not his career. He has no obligation to post a damn thing. I like the stories as much as anyone else, and will come visit from time to time to see if there's a new one, but I'm certainly not gonna start throwing insults at the blogger because he has better things to do than post an update.

People, chill out.

Anonymous said...

Eustacia, you don't get it. He promised an update, soon, and never carried through. He's a wanker representing a wanker profession.

Anonymous said...

How suprising.

The high and mighty waiter is a flake.

Probably quit being a waiter and is focusing on a real job.

Eustacia Vye said...

Shit happens. Last time, he ended up in a hospital.

None of us here know "The Server" and none of us know what's going on in his life. He could be busy and has forgotten about this blog. He could be working 10-hour days and doesn't feel like spending his free time writing stories on an internet site for people who feel entitled to regular updates.

Seriously, I wish my life was such that a random person not updating his blog was enough to upset me; unfortunately, I have bigger things to concern myself with.

Some people just have entitlement issues.

christopher said...

sweet, we are closing in on that lucky 100. lol though the comments are almost as fun to read as the posts.

Anonymous said...

OOOOOOOOOOOOH waaaaaaaaaiter boyyy come out, come out, where ever you are...
COWARD!!

Anonymous said...

Here's something funny-
http://tinyurl.com/rwf88

mj

Anonymous said...

The only reason i come back now is to check the comments on this post! Much funnier than the posts themselves

Kate said...

I'm suprised you find it funny anonymous, you seem to lack any wit or personality!

Anonymous said...

91

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate waiters. All they do is whine anc complain that they don't make enough money or get benefits. Its YOU who chose to be a loser and beg for a living. Quit being a ditch digger and get a real job. No one here even wants your pathetic stories anymore, they just have some morbid curiosity that you're dead or your girlfriend commited you again. Lets go post 100 so I never have to visit this site again!!!

Anonymous said...

I was away for Memorial weekend. Did douchebag come through with a new story yet?

Woozie281 said...

Are you okay? You haven't written in such a long time. If you are tired of writing and need more time off let the readers know esp. so I can stop worrying about you.

Peace in your mind and heart.

SQ

ash said...

oh well, perhaps he got caught up in a better part of life =)

not ash said...

"perhaps he got caught up in a better part of life " - Which would be just about anything if your job is waiting tables.

Faith said...

Am I the only one that thinks that the server stories he tells are from the past, and that The Server is actually now doing something else with his life that doesn't involve being an actual server? Seems like the stories he tells out here are from a few years ago.

Is it just me, or do other people get that idea, too?

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't every story he tells be in the past. Don't mean to be a dick, just had to say it. Yes I agree with you though. I think these stories bounce around in a time frame from a few years ago. I think this is all a trick to test the patience of a bunch of people who lurk around blogs waiting for someone else to tell their slice of life. Who knows.

There again maybe his pc crashed and he is getting it fixed.

Anonymous said...

99

Anonymous said...

100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then.................




nothing

Anonymous said...

"maybe his pc crashed and he is getting it fixed"

If it takes 2 months to fix a pc, then the guy fixing it is obviously a former waiter who's now way out of his league. Send that 'puter repairman back to the unskilled labor pool of servers worldwide.

christopher said...

100 has come and gone. a post should be coming soon! :)

Anonymous said...

all done...and so am i.

Anonymous said...

This was a fun blog to read indeed; and I will keep coming back to see if it is updated. It is interesting to read about those in the service industry. Never done it myself, but I am not really much of a people person and do not envy those who work with people all the time. I also do not think that I am better then servers, just because I work in an office, or make more money. I tip 5.00 minimum; 20%+ for good service (keep the drinks full!), 10-15% bad service... horrific service... usually 5-10% unless you are insulting.

Also from reading these comments:
1. There is no Southern Ivy League (and this from one who went to a school known as the "Christian Harvard (Go Crusaders).
2. Hard sciences are not neccessarily more difficult then libral arts degrees... depends on the school and what you make of it. (Com Sci drop out; got into Cornell engineering school; coding/software engineering for 4+ years in real world.)
3. Waiting tables is not a mecca of difficult work. I hear the commenters who talk of how it requires balance to keep track of everything.... but suceeding in most jobs requires balance. (Run company I founded w/ 8m in sales; keeping track of who needs a refill doesn't sound impossible).

Anonymous said...

Liberal arts degrees are always easier then a science degree. Hell, a science degree from State U is going to be tougher then a liberal arts degree from a top 50 uni.

You can try to convince yourself otherwise, but a person with a chemistry degree has worked a hell of a lot harder then some jackoff with a philosophy degree.

jswanny said...

first of all, go to hell server. Second of all some people are just wired differently. I mean I can do hard or soft science but I hate hard science because it manages to be finite and infinite at the same time (At least in my little world) so there is my .2$

Eustacia Vye said...

I gotta say, every time I click on this link and the page doesn't load, it gives me a giggle to see "cannot find server" at the top of the page.

Anonymous said...

Libral arts degrees are not neccessarily harder or easier. Maybe you struggled more in chemistry then philosophy; maybe your school had a horrible philosophy department. Perhaps this is even the norm. Doesn't mean that it is inherient. Is a Chemistry degree from State U more difficult then a Computer Science degree from Carnigie Melon? It is a "harder science"... but I would argue it is not a more difficult degree to get.

Anonymous said...

stick him with a meat fork, he is DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

SERVER!!! WHERE THE HELL R U!!!
GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, BE A MAN!!

Anonymous said...

check out Insane Waiter's link at the right, even he knows server is gone.

Anonymous said...

Looooooooooooozzzza!!
(big L on the forhead!!)

He won't have the balls to come back and write now.... too bad.

Brad said...

Insane will be next.

Secret said...

Brad, I'm never leaving, check out my site, thought I've not updated as much in the last month as I'd like there's much more to come...

The Server said...

Sorry to leave everyone hanging, but I realized that my site is just a cheap rip-off of Waiter Rant, and that people who check blogs everyday are douchebags.

interpreter said...

are people who write blogs every day douchebags?

Anonymous said...

No, you're just a douchebag if you promise a new story that nobody really cares about and then don't bother to write it.

Anonymous said...

I think this bears repeating:

A waiter acting like a flake?!?!? What a shocker.

buttholeeo said...

Come back server boy and show these people you have the nuts to do it!! or don't....

Anonymous said...

Spewing spewage spews spewingly.

briliantdonkey said...

okay finally am caught up after finding your site the other day. Great job on your posts. I enjoy your writing and will be back again. Hope that all is okay with you, not only because i want to read more(I dont consider it something i am entitled to)but because behind every screen/blog or whatever is a real live human.

Look forward to you coming back and posting away.

take care

INK

Anonymous said...

Sorry Folks, it's official. The Server has kicked the mop bucket and gone to wait tables for eternity with the big guy in the sky.
It was such a tragedy too, involving a customer who returned their food, an angry chef with a ginsu knife, and an innocent hostess who got caught in the crossfire. But I won't go into details as it was too gorey. Charges are pending, needless to say.
It was nice knowing you server! May your reservation have been for up above, and not down below (unless you really like your entrees well done)!

Faith said...

Ok, so really? Is he dead? If so, that's sad.

If not, you'd think he'd at least drop by and leave a comment saying that he's done. So weird for someone who's so popular of a read to just up and disappear, right?

If he IS dead, someone who knows him must know of this blog, right? So wouldn't it be nice if one of them might drop by and leave a comment to let us all know, definitively, that the Server will not be returning?

I really liked reading his stories, dammit...

Anonymous said...

Still looking through those archives??!@#$%^&*()
YOU PIECE OF CRAP!!

Anonymous said...

Ding Dong the Sever's DEAD!!!

flex said...

Don't be concerned if the server is dead. There are plenty of unskilled laborers out there to take his place.

Woozie said...

You must be really busy; but this one new reader is still waiting to hear the next story you promised us.

Coming to you from Texas
SussieQ

Tiptop Server said...

Thank you for the great commentary.
It is nice to see that some people still take pride in the way they do their job.

Serving is not an easy job. You have to multi task and put up with all types of people.

But all in all if a person will take the job seriously and study the art form and skills of being a professional server, the rewards are outstanding.

I currently have servers that make more per year than I do as a manager. I say more power to them and I try to teach them all the tips of the trade. Nothing excites me more than when a server has an outstanding day and has lots of money to show for it.

Many of my servers have college degrees, but realize that they can make more money in a shorter period of time as a server than they could in the profession they went to school for, for years.

More power to you servers that have chosen this as a career.

Keep up the great work and great tips to you.

Tiptop Server

briliantdonkey said...

just checking back to see if you have returned and see that you havent. Hope all is well with you and you just needed a break. Who knows maybe you are writing a book. I took a month off from my blog to do a NANOWRIMO excercise(50,000 words in 28 days)and then another month after that just to recover. That was my excuse at least. Eventually you will find your way back so until then, take it easy. One question though, if the word verification thingy down below DOESN'T look fuzzy is that a sign i should slow down on the icehouse?

INKcogKNEEdough

TTFK said...

Looks like he still hasn't returned, and no you shouldn't slow down on the Icehouse. They apparently changed their formula to a much smoother brew. I have one open in front of me right now!

Anonymous said...

130 comments since last blog of April 2, 2006. Today is July 11, 2006.

Y'alls comments are very funny. I especially like the "he promised to blog sooooooooooon" ones.

LOL

Sorry. It's like waiting for the next Harry Potter book. The whining I mean, not the quality of the writing. ;^)

Brad said...

This is my favorite blog ever since he died or got recommitted to the mental hospital or whatever the fuck happened to him.

Anonymous said...

The comments are now much better than the blog itself!
Who needs the server? Certainly not us! We have turned this blog into a self serve smorgasbord!
Rest in peace Server!

Anonymous said...

It's like a self serve restaurant: so much better than having to suffer some officious waitperson who expects a tip for carrying a plate.

b-b-b-brad said...

They don't get tips for just "carrying a plate". They carry glasses sometimes, too.

sloremonger said...

Maybe he had a customer complain to his manager which made him start crying and then he ran out into the street where he got hit by a car and died.

That would be so funny.

Ranter said...

Why do people always have to be so condescending and stuck up towards those who choose to work (or out of necessity, continue to work) in the service industry? I'm sure your jobs are equally challenging, just in different aspects. The level of patience and self restraint required and displayed by those who work in service often outweighs the amount of decency and courtesy I've seen some "big shot" CEOs and upper level managers release on their staff. I think a bit of mutual respect is due.

Waitergripes said...

We, as servers, will NEVER be able to convince people that this is a stressful and exhausting way to make a living. Until someone actually walks in our worn out shoes, they'll always think they'd be able to do it blindfolded. Funny thing is, before I became a server, I spent several years in the Marine Corps, including a stint in Kuwait during Desert Storm. Sometimes I feel more stress waiting tables (maybe it's because we're not supposed to return fire).

Bev Rage said...

I waited tables for 10 years. I now run my own business. I never have a "real" day off...I always need to be available. I have to deal with the books, the clients, the employees, as well as trouble shooting all the myriad things that can go wrong...power outages, missing deliveries, etc. My day usually lasts from 9am to 9pm. And you know what? It still isn't anywhere NEAR as stressful or challenging as waiting tables was!
I think the main difference is that, busy as I am, I am invariably treated with RESPECT by both clients and employees. Not being treated like an indentured servant makes everything easier.

Anonymous said...

Check out www.stuckserving.com for short hilarious serving stories like these!